I am Doing my Best
When these shut down orders first started, memes began circulating along the lines of “Shakespeare wrote King Lear while he was in isolation”. I believe these were meant to be encouraging and motivating. I’m sure they were meant to inspire people to create something that can turn out to be bigger than they ever imagined. I loved those memes... at first. As I sat quarantined in my apartment in New York, I began to feel bad about myself because I felt no desire to create anything. I wanted to want to create something, but I didn’t.
Friends seemed to be working through the quarantine. They were writing or fixing their website or organizing zoom readings of plays. I happily participated in one such Zoom reading, but to organize one myself? No, thank you. This only aided in my feelings of inadequacy. I felt like I wasn’t cut out for this. How could I be? I didn’t want to work on my craft. I didn’t want to write. I didn’t want to work on the web series my brother suggested I film. The self-loathing started to kick in.
Then something else started to happen. Other friends started to share other memes, some were new, others were edited from the originals, others were the originals, but captioned differently. These memes stated that it was okay, to not create anything. They said it was okay to take this time to do nothing but rest and I started to feel slightly better. As I talked to other friends, I realized I wasn’t alone. One of the most talented and hard working people I love and admire said she felt unmotivated, too. Again, this woman is one of my best friends and she works harder than anyone I know, and she was unmotivated so I knew it was going to be okay.
It has been okay. I found that actors schedule and I began incorporating it into my daily routine. During the creative time slot, I wrote on my blog and researched casting directors. I memorized a monologue, but that was it. I didn’t pressure myself to do anything more than that. I didn’t beat myself up for reading a lot. I continue to read books, actual books and not plays or industry related materials and it feels awesome.
It’s been three weeks since our quarantine started (two weeks in New York, one in El Paso) and that desire to create is slowly starting to get brighter. I received a self tape opportunity while in New York that I didn’t feel like doing (again I felt guilty about this), but I filmed a few days ago and it came out great if I do say so myself. It also felt awesome to get in front of the camera again. I also received an offer to film a scene for a short film. I don’t know if I’ll make the final cut, but I had a blast filming it. I wanted to model for my husband so he could practice his photography skills.
I’m also feeling an itch to create something of my own, but that itch hasn’t revealed itself just yet so I’ll play around guilt free until I figure out what to create.
That’s what I want to say to everyone. If you’re the kind of person that has been creating from the beginning and you want to keep creating until this is over, then do it! I can’t wait to see your work! If you’re not motivated, that’s okay, too. You might never, ever feel motivated during this entire process and that’s okay. Everyone is different. Some will need this break to come back with a vengeance once everything opens up again and that’s okay.
What’s not okay is looking down on others. Ever. Since the memes that reassured me came out, I’ve seen a slew of others come out. These new memes call those not creating lazy or undisciplined. This boils my blood. Are there lazy people out there saying they’re unmotivated, but really they’re just lazy? Yes. There are always lazy people who manage to make everyone else look bad, but unless you know the circumstances of everyone in the world, you have no right to judge. You have no right. All right. I’ll get off my soap box.
Lluvia
Friends seemed to be working through the quarantine. They were writing or fixing their website or organizing zoom readings of plays. I happily participated in one such Zoom reading, but to organize one myself? No, thank you. This only aided in my feelings of inadequacy. I felt like I wasn’t cut out for this. How could I be? I didn’t want to work on my craft. I didn’t want to write. I didn’t want to work on the web series my brother suggested I film. The self-loathing started to kick in.
Then something else started to happen. Other friends started to share other memes, some were new, others were edited from the originals, others were the originals, but captioned differently. These memes stated that it was okay, to not create anything. They said it was okay to take this time to do nothing but rest and I started to feel slightly better. As I talked to other friends, I realized I wasn’t alone. One of the most talented and hard working people I love and admire said she felt unmotivated, too. Again, this woman is one of my best friends and she works harder than anyone I know, and she was unmotivated so I knew it was going to be okay.
It has been okay. I found that actors schedule and I began incorporating it into my daily routine. During the creative time slot, I wrote on my blog and researched casting directors. I memorized a monologue, but that was it. I didn’t pressure myself to do anything more than that. I didn’t beat myself up for reading a lot. I continue to read books, actual books and not plays or industry related materials and it feels awesome.
It’s been three weeks since our quarantine started (two weeks in New York, one in El Paso) and that desire to create is slowly starting to get brighter. I received a self tape opportunity while in New York that I didn’t feel like doing (again I felt guilty about this), but I filmed a few days ago and it came out great if I do say so myself. It also felt awesome to get in front of the camera again. I also received an offer to film a scene for a short film. I don’t know if I’ll make the final cut, but I had a blast filming it. I wanted to model for my husband so he could practice his photography skills.
I’m also feeling an itch to create something of my own, but that itch hasn’t revealed itself just yet so I’ll play around guilt free until I figure out what to create.
That’s what I want to say to everyone. If you’re the kind of person that has been creating from the beginning and you want to keep creating until this is over, then do it! I can’t wait to see your work! If you’re not motivated, that’s okay, too. You might never, ever feel motivated during this entire process and that’s okay. Everyone is different. Some will need this break to come back with a vengeance once everything opens up again and that’s okay.
What’s not okay is looking down on others. Ever. Since the memes that reassured me came out, I’ve seen a slew of others come out. These new memes call those not creating lazy or undisciplined. This boils my blood. Are there lazy people out there saying they’re unmotivated, but really they’re just lazy? Yes. There are always lazy people who manage to make everyone else look bad, but unless you know the circumstances of everyone in the world, you have no right to judge. You have no right. All right. I’ll get off my soap box.
Lluvia
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